Forty Visits
by blackrose113
Summary: Sequel to ‘Just This Once’. Two visits and the raincloud’s still there. Three visits and she starts to crumble. Forty visits and the memorial is concealed. But no visits help the pain. Oneshot. SakuShika


**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue

**Summary: **Sequel to 'Just This Once'. Two visits and the raincloud's still there. Three visits and the shell prospers but the soul can't bear. Forty visits and the memorial is hidden. No visits help the pain to be ridden.

**A/N:** sequel sequel. I'm not posting this up until I get enough reviews, but I've written it already. . Ugh but I REALLY WANNA POST IT! (1/2/05)

**Forty Visits**

Sakura lay in _his_ clearing. In _their_ clearing and stared at the clouds.

'_How alike I am to the clouds. The wind shapes what a cloud becomes...just a little bit trimmed here and a bit more added on to there and it becomes entirely different. Just like me. A burst of wind here—the war—and bits and pieces have fallen off, worries added like moisture to the cloud. Then, a raincloud forms and drains its worries in a shower…'_

Two visits to the memorial.

"I've let go many showers and storms…why am I not a soft cloud again?"

'_Shikamaru.'_

-0-

Years of war had proved an adequate distraction for Sakura's active mind and she had no time to think of anything but the next surgery, the next sealing, the next jutsu she would create.

Now Konoha was at peace, allied with Suna and rebuilt, the scars of war healed over. She lived comfortably in a large apartment in the richer part of Konoha with a private chef and a maid. She had personal connections with the Hokage and the ANBU captain; she was well acquainted with the headmaster of the Konoha Shinobi Academy and the best weapons maker in town.

She got discounts on all the flowers she bought from the best flower store there was and she was backed in all her decisions by the head of the Hyuuga and Aburame family. There was always the best table waiting for her at the number one steakhouse in Konoha, she always got a discount on soldier pills, and she was friends with many more influential people. Sakura was head of the Konoha Hospital and contemplating opening a school for medical ninjas.

She also frequented the _Katana Bar_ on a nightly basis, and once every week, after having drunk far too much for her body to handle, found herself lying outside the small building with a throbbing hangover.

Today was one such day and Sakura pushed herself off the cold ground, wishing that she had worn something warmer in the cold, fall weather. The wind whipped her hair around and she wrinkled her nose at the stench her hair gave off.

When she was still a genin, if you told her that this was the life she'd be living, she'd snort and then punch your lights out. If you told her when she was still chuunin, she'd shrug but promise she'd fight against that fate. If you told her when she was jounin, she would nod heavily and murmur that there was no need to remind her of the present.

It had been three visits to the memorial.

A lot had changed.

'_Shikamaru'._

-0-

Smooth, soft hands stroked the name on the black tablet as sad eyes gazed at it. Tears blurred Sakura's vision and her hand clenched into a fist, _'I should've made you promise.'_

She gave a resigned sigh and glanced around her; she quickly erected a barrier around the clearing and set up a genjutsu along with it. _'Why do they have this so far into the forest?'_

Of course she knew the answer. It was so when you felt like all hope was lost, when you felt that you couldn't bear to live anymore and everything was like some horrible nightmare gone wrong, when nothing was real anymore… you wouldn't have to be reminded of the harsh reality of living in a hidden ninja village by a stupid stone. It was so you could maybe believe that none of it had happened. It was so you could go on living life as if it were a dream, with at least the _hope_ that you'd wake up and he'd still be alive. She'd still be alive. _They'd_ still be alive. Your family would be whole. Your heart would be complete.

A soft sob would have echoed throughout the clearing had the barrier not covered it up. Sakura let down the genjutsu. No, not the barrier…the one hiding her.

She let her gaze drop to her hands, wrinkled and calloused and…old. Hot tears dripped on them and ran along the creases on her palm.

'_Now I understand why Tsunade always kept up that pretense of being young.'_

So she wouldn't need to be reminded of the passage of time. That everything had _not_ just been a dream. In its own little way, it was hiding the black stone tablet.

Sakura had taken to hiding the tablet herself, but visiting the memorial.

Another sob. Another tear. Another year had passed.

Sakura removed a mirror from her pocket and stared into the tired green eyes, almost gray from the film that covered it. She raised her fingers to stroke the lines that graced the corners of her eyes and her brow, the sides of her mouth.

She closed her eyes and quickly brought her disguise back up, sighing a breath of relief when she glanced in the mirror again and saw her seventeen year old self again. She would never change, just for him, because those forty, lonely years hadn't happened.

Those forty visits to the memorial had never happened.

'_Shikamaru.'_

**A/N:** if ppl would review for my alt ending for the first then maybe I'll make an alt ending for this and make it happy. For the moment though, you'll have to be satisfied with this ending. If you don't understand it, you can email, message, or **REVIEW!**


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